Valuing the journey as well as the destination OR "What do the ideas of time management and sailing have in common?"

In my last two postings, I expressed frustration over the fact that I haven’t made any demonstrable progress in reaching my dream goal for retirement, i.e., writing a book. For today, I think instead of beating myself up for not making the progress that I would like to have made, I need to take a more positive approach and look at what I have accomplished since June 30, 2008, the date of my retirement. I also need to get real about how I want to live my life. Again, I return to the question: What does it take for me to feel that I am living a fulfilling, meaningful, life?

To review, my initial goals for retirement were to engage in activities that challenged me cognitively, physically and socially. I also included the concept of “engagement” in a cause that is bigger than myself as being necessary to keep me focused and centered. I am very satisfied with my involvement in book study groups that I have joined. They are providing me with both cognitive challenges and social opportunities and I have been thankful for this new opportunity to share and discuss literature. I even served as facilitator at the latest one on John Updike’s Terrorist. The session was a good one and it was clear that my skills as a meeting facilitator, learned and cultivated through many years of leading teacher study groups, combined with my passion for John Updike produced an environment where everyone was comfortable and felt empowered to speak up to share their reactions. I was on a high. I felt I was in my element. What does this tell me about myself?

I have made progress on my exercise / physical fitness goals. In terms that can be measured, I have managed to shed a few pounds and have firmed up important muscle groups. I am able to execute the first basic form of Tai Chi. I continue to remain informed about nutrition and take deliberate steps to buy and consume only those foods which are rich in nutrients (and which my son the nutritionist would approve of.) In addition to my book study groups, I have other outlets for social engagement and volunteerism which keep me involved with friends and provide an emotional support system.

My commitment to reading groups as my primary vehicle for the pursuit of cognitive challenges derives from two underlying desires, the first being to rediscover the pure joy of sitting down with a good book and entering that other world inhabited by people and situations which reveal universal themes that I can relate to. This is where I find so much real pleasure. Time spent in reading is always time well spent. I am continually learning and growing when I read.

The second reason for my determination to be an active participant in my book study groups is to provide myself with an avenue for learning more about what makes good literature. I want to read for pleasure—and then some. I want to read so that I can learn how to write. In that regard, in addition to reading novels, I have researched the writing process and the publishing industry. I love that classic adage written on the classroom walls in 90% of the schools in the division where I worked for 14 years: first learn to read; then read to learn. After all those years of reading to learn how to be a better teacher / how to be a better leader / how to collect and use data to improve instruction, I am now reading to learn how to be a writer. What a treat!

I have always been somewhat impulsive and impatient about things that I really want to accomplish. I am susceptible to severe cases of tunnel vision and am able to block out everything that doesn’t directly relate to my goals. Maybe I need to rethink my attitude about where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. Haven’t I been working toward my goal of writing a book by reading and discussing what I’ve read? All of the book studies that I have donehave in fact been leading me up to the point where I will be better prepared to take the first critical steps of writing.

As retirees, when we set goals for ourselves, it doesn’t mean that they have to all be accomplished by tomorrow—or by next week—or next month. There is no reason to be as driven as we were when we were working. Instead, what we have identified as goals should serve as a sort of compass, a general direction that we want to follow.

To borrow some sailing metaphors from a dear friend, let’s imagine that we are cruising on our sailboat, and we have plotted a general course which will lead to our ultimate destination. Does that mean that we can’t take an occasional side trip to explore a newly discovered cove or marina? Or that we can’t just stop for a day, drop anchor, and enjoy the air, the sun and the water? Aren’t we supposed to enjoy the actual journey? I learned long ago that success and happiness are not measured by being the first to cross the finish line. Success and happiness are measured by how well we live every day and by enjoying the ride every minute as we steer toward our desired destination. For me, this credo should translate into turning every moment that I may perceive as a “distraction” from my long term goal of writing a book, e.g., activities such as meeting friends for lunch or going to the gym, into moments and incidents which will in the long run enrich my life and also broaden my perspective. This is indeed the gift that retirement offers.

Time Management Part 2

Here are all the items on my to-do list:

--Finish weeding the garden
--Call the man who helps with occasional garden tasks

to schedule the work to cut back ivy and to prune shrubs
--Vacuum the floors in the house and mop up all the spots

where my dog has either slobbered or piddled on the

hard wood floors
--Grocery shop
--Write five sympathy cards
--Finish reading the Sunday Washington Post
--Begin the photo album from my son’s wedding
--Begin the Sister City picture scrapbook for 2009
--Go to Ritz camera to develop pictures for above scrapbooks
--Organize all the digital picture files on my computer
--Read the camera manual for my new digital camera

in preparation for the digital photography class I have

signed up for on October 24

Well, as much as I like to think of myself as a free spirit, I do still have a need for some order and structure in my life. Otherwise, why would I even have a “to-do”list? I like a neat, clean house and an attractive well-kept yard. I like to have healthy food on hand in my house so that I’m not tempted to snack on unhealthy foods. I am aware that I need to keep myself active socially so that I don’t become a complete hermit. As much as I’d like to just sit on my couch and watch old movies all day long, I know that it is not in my best interest to do so.

As I write this list, it becomes clear to me that some of these tasks are the long-term variety (e.g., the photo albums) and some are the one-time, get it done now variety (e.g. vacuum the floors). So, which ones should I tackle today? Do any of them really matter to anyone other than myself? Maybe I need two lists: One for the long-term tasks that need to be worked on in stages and another for the short-term, one time tasks.

Maybe it would be helpful for me to have some criteria to help me decide which are the jobs that need to be done now and which ones can wait? For example, have I considered the following?


Does this task and its completion affect anyone other than myself? Will I be letting someone down?

Have I done my share of physical activity this week? Am I due for a date with the treadmill at the YMCA?

Have I thought about my loved ones or about those who I don’t know personally but whose lives might be improved or made more cheerful by a visit or a personal note or participation in a volunteer activity from me? (What about those five sympathy cards that are sitting on my desk and haven’t been written / mailed yet?)

How will I feel at the end of the day if I do (or do not) complete this chore? Will I feel really satisfied? How much satisfaction does this particular obligation provide me anyway? Do I really need to serve on that committee? Am I over-obligated?

What have I done for myself lately? What have I done for others?

For today, just by asking myself these questions, I see that I really ought to get out those sympathy cards. Of all the jobs I have already procrastinated on, that is one job that could make a small difference in the life of a grieving friend. So maybe that’s the one to start with. And on the way to buy / mail the cards, I can stop at the grocery store for the few items I need in order to keep a healthy, well-balanced food pantry in my house. The remaining items don’t seem as pressing. Well—at least I got through this one day. Tomorrow, I’ll do a re-evaluation and start the process all over again.

Time Management

True / False
Retirees have no problems with time management.

How did you answer this question?
Let’s analyze the statement.


The answer must be True, right? How can anyone who is retired have problems with time management? As a retiree, I now have more free time than I have ever had in all of the 63 years of my life. I can set my own schedule every day. I don’t have anyone else’s expectations to meet on a daily basis. I am the master of my castle; the captain of my ship. How could there be any problems with time management?

In all truthfulness, for me, the answer to this question is False. This issue of time management has been an unexpected challenge for me as a retiree. With all this new-found free time, suddenly the immediate priorities are no longer as clear as they were when I was working 40 + hours per week. In my prior life as a professional working woman, if the only time I had free to do yard work was on the weekend, that’s when I did it. When the time was limited, the choices for how to spend it were easier and more obvious. I am still in awe of myself when I remember how much I used to accomplish on one day of a weekend when I was working and had young children. In one Saturday I would get up early, go to the grocery store; return home by 10 a.m. to take my boys to a soccer game; return home again and prepare lunch for everyone; work in the yard or do laundry in the afternoon; cook dinner and maybe even go out with a group of friends for a few hours in the evening. Sundays were full of church, Sunday School, family dinner, taking the boys to a park or a museum, preparing lesson plans and grading papers.

Heck, these days, I’m lucky if I am even up and dressed by 10:00 a.m. especially now that the weather is turning colder and the temptation to stay in my warm, cozy bed is so hard to resist. It’s very easy to get drawn into the momentary pleasures of my day to day existence and to prolong the time I spend on them. It’s equally easy to put off tasks that may be on my daily checklist. (Wait till I show you my checklist—remember I said I am a type A personality?) After all, there are no deadlines to meet; no one other than myself cares if this or that job gets completed or not. In fact, isn’t this one of the rewards of retirement? Why am I even worrying about this? As I said, who cares if certain jobs do or do not get done?

If you had asked me about time management one year ago, I would have told you that you were crazy for even asking the question. Time management was not an issue for me because, as I happily told my friends when they asked me what I was planning to do in my retirement, my sole purpose in retirement was to do “whatever I damn well please.” I went blissfully from one activity to the next. I had rid my life of all the “shoulds” and was only concerning myself with what felt right for the moment. Now that I am entering the second year of my retirement, surprisingly I find that I am getting a little frustrated with myself because I have so much trouble making up my mind about how to spend the day. Some days there are multiple things that I want to do but I can’t decide which one to do first. And then there have been a few evenings when I have asked myself, What have you accomplished today? What about that novel that you said you were going to write when you retired? I am reminded that the greatest gift of retirement is time and that the gift of time is precious. What do I have to show for my time?

Let me give you an example. I am looking at my calendar for October. Instead of nice clean empty squares for the 31 days of this month, my calendar is riddled with activities such as the following: foot doctor appointment for me; mammogram for me; flu shot and shingles shot for me; grooming appointment and rabies shot for my dog; lunch date with a friend; Elder Study classes or curriculum meetings; book study groups; exercise classes; walking dates with friends; a digital photography class; wine-tasting with Sister City; visiting my niece and her new baby; serving dinner at the Homeless Shelter; and appointments for minor home repairs. It’s like an average of one event per day.

This is all good stuff; these are activities I signed up for and that I can cancel if I don’t want to attend on any given day. Many of these are activities that I would not have had time for prior to my retirement. But where is that long span of uninterrupted time when I can seriously tackle starting to write a chapter for my book? Am I “nickleing and diming” myself instead of saving up precious energy and time for the big, important things?

Any suggestions out there on time management? What does your calendar look like?