To Stay Or Not To Stay? To Move Or Not To Move?

One of the decisions that retirees eventually face is that of where to live out their golden years. Globally, this "where" can be as varied as staying in the same single family home where you have lived for 25 years; or moving to a retirement community where many of the responsibilities of home ownership can be taken care of in a group setting; or moving to a totally different part of the country, in any sort of community environment. For this posting, the question of "where" will not address congregate living issues—not yet anyway. For today, I’d like to discuss the issue of change of geographic locations.

Starting with my own personal experience, after down-sizing from a large house with a large yard to a smaller house seven years ago, I am now in the process of upgrading bathrooms and kitchen so that I will be happy and comfortable continuing to remain in my current home for a significant number of years. But I can’t rule out the possibility of a major move for the future. My own parents never left their home until it was time to go to an assisted living facility when they were at the ripe old ages of 88 and 91. However, my in-laws decided early on to maintain two residences: a northern one for the summers and a southern one for the winters--eventually giving up their northern home to live in Florida year-round. They used to take the auto train several times a year to come north and visit us. They had good friends and an active social life in both locations.

One of the main reasons people in my part of the country choose to relocate is weather. In my last posting, I talked about the snow blizzard of 2010 that hit the East coast. I have always lived in a climate in which one can fully experience the beauty of the change of seasons. I love the fresh green onset of spring; the plethora of flowers that appear as the seasons change; and the crisp coolnesss as the world changes color in fall. I am accustomed to dealing with snow on a small scale, but the 40 inches we had this year was a challenge. Based on our experience this year, I discovered that one of three things is likely to happen when you awaken to the quiet beauty of 15 inches of newly fallen snow. Either you throw your shoulder out of whack from shoveling the car out of the driveway (like my neighbor); or you pay lots of money to men who are knocking on your door offering to dig you out (like my friend); or if you are as lucky as I happened to be this year, you have a nice neighbor who owns a construction business and who has all the right equipment and who, without being asked, just charges up his machines and removes all your snow for free. I know I can't count on being that lucky forever. My friend in Wisconsin thinks nothing of spending two or more hours at a time shoveling her driveway. But will she be able to fulfill that responsibility when she is 80 years old?

As we get older, the extremes of winter become more and more of a challenge. Thus, regions of the US such as Florida and Arizona have become meccas for folks “of a certain age.” Who wouldn’t choose to live in year-round sunshine if given the option? No sidewalks or driveways to shovel; no icy roads to fight; no need to buy snow tires for the car. Don’t you find the spot in the picture above or the beach picture on the sidebar tempting and relaxing? Compare the snow picture with the beach picture. Where would you rather be in December? Wouldn’t this be a good time in your life to explore a completely different natural environment with lakes and rivers teeming with wildlife; or nature reserves and hiking trails full of exotic species of flora and fauna; or desert climates that feature geological formations and historic sites not accessible anywhere else in the world?

What criteria will you use when / if you are faced with the opportunity to alter your place of residence? After all, you probably stayed where you are now because of your work, right? What’s to stop you from picking up and starting all over in a new location?

Besides the weather, there are other important factors to consider when thinking about such a serious change in your lifestyle.

· What is your financial situation? In this economy, is it plausible to think you can sell your current home and start all over again in the real estate market?

· What about your family? Where does your major support group live? Do you have grandchildren? Do you have parents or siblings? Do you want to live near them? Do they want you to live near them?

· How is your health? Would you be better off in a different climate? Will doctors and hospitals be as accessible and reliable as where you live now?

· Are you happy where you are now? You probably have a strong network of friends and / or family whose emotional support have been helpful to you. Can you really leave behind all those friends and neighbors that have helped you grow and become the person you are?

· Does it make any difference if you are married or single? Is it easier to meet new people with one marital status than the other?

· What are your goals for retirement? Are you a golfer? A painter? A writer? Is one location better than the other for your unique goals and lifestyle preferences? Would year-round access to activities such as golfing or tennis be important to you?

Obviously, there is no one right way to answer any of these questions. Everyone's answers will vary according to individual circumstances. But the questions are worthy of consideration. According to current figures on average lifespans, you most likely have two or three more decades of living ahead of you. Don't you want to make the best of those years? Moving can be your own wonderful personalized "stimulus package" for change and new opportunities for learning and growth. But it also has the potential for serious financial and emotional consequences if not well thought out.

I hope that readers of this blog will respond and help “unpack” this question. By sharing your own personal experiences, you will be helping others and providing insights far broader and deeper than my own points of view. Phyllis, Mary, Lajuana and Bob, Barry—I hope you will respond and help out on this question.

Friends and Neighbors and Snow

There are truly generous people in this world. I know this from personal experience. If you know about the blizzard of February 2010, then you know that the picture chosen for this posting is real. You might be thinking right now –gee I’m glad I moved south and don’t have to deal with that kind of mess anymore. (For more pictures and reminders of why you moved away from snow country, check out the pictures on the right side of the blog.)

But this posting is not about snow. It’s about the generosity and genuine helpfulness of people when times get tough. It’s about the friends who stopped by to see me after my dad died and brought me gingerbread tea and then sat with me, sharing in the tea and companionship. That was fellowship in the truest sense of the word. It’s about the colleagues who make a generous donation to cancer research after your sister has died—a donation in honor of your love for your sister, but also an expression of love for you because they love you and want to help ease your suffering. It’s about the pregnant niece who walks in the Susan B. Comen walk to help raise funds for the same woman, her aunt, who later died from the disease. It’s about sharing some of your own personal wealth to buy a goat for a poor family in Guatemala or to make a donation to the local food bank or to help the thousands of homeless families in Haiti. And it’s about the neighbor who plows your driveway—not because you asked, but just because he had the equipment and wanted to be helpful.

I don’t know what I did to deserve such kindness on the part of my neighbor. Maybe he’s just happy that I’m not a grumpy neighbor. Maybe he’s happy that I take care of my property and that I mind my own business. But deep down I do believe the old adage that “what comes around goes around.” Yes, sometimes those who live a life of good purpose and love toward their fellow man get a raw deal--case in point, my sister-in-law who never hurt a fly but who suffered terribly from the fatal cancer that destroyed her body. How do we explain these situations? We can’t. We accept the unexplainable. We have faith that there is a higher purpose and that we are not always in charge of our lives. There is a higher power at work. And in the meantime, we just go about our lives, doing the best we can, and trying to observe the Golden Rule—“Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” No matter what your religious affiliation, few can argue with this credo.

So, I thank my neighbor. I thank my friends who sat with me. I thank my sisters, my brother, my children and friends who accept me for who I am and who help me to be the best person that I can be. I thank everyone who has in some unique way given of themselves to make someone else’s life better.

If you have a story to tell about an act of kindness that you observed or that you were a part of, write it down and share it with others. And say a little prayer of gratitude.