My new year’s resolution this year is to be a better friend. There are advantages to living in one community for the majority of one’s adult life. One of these is the opportunity to develop friendships that span not only many years but also many aspects of our lives. In any community, there are hundreds of folks who make it a better place to live through every day large and small acts of friendship. For what is a community if not a place where people feel safe and welcome and valued? A friendship is a treasure that requires time, care, attention and nurturing. I can think of countless everyday actions that have strengthened the bonds that connect my friends with me, both when I was the recipient and when I was the giver.Through participation in a variety of civic and social opportunities, it is easy to develop multiple circles of friends. For example, I have my church friends, my professional friends, my parenting friends, my service organization friends, my gym friends, my reading club friends, my good neighbor friends, my fellow martini-sipping friends and my all-around funny, free spirit friends. I have friends whom I admire intensely for their good and charitable works in the community and I have friends with home I can laugh my head off and not be embarrassed if my laughter is too loud. I have friends who astound me with their wit and those who inspire me by their insight and compassion. I have been greatly influenced by friends who have supported me in my times of trial and who have allowed me to share in their own times of crisis as well as celebrate in their times of joy. In fact, I like to think that the person who I am today is the sum total of all my relationships and encounters.
In addition to resolving to be a better friend, I think it is important to take the time to say thank you to friends who have been companions to me through so many phases of my life’s journey. For example, I have friends who have volunteered to pick me up at the train station or the airport; offered to pick up my mail while on a trip; come to my rescue and comforted me when my precious pet got loose in the neighborhood and went missing for 48 hours; understood when I had to bow out of a social engagement because I needed to care for an elderly parent; brought me hot soup when I was ill or sipped hot tea with me when I was grieving; helped me fix the leak in the bathroom sink; encouraged me to take risks and to follow my passions; walked with me; talked with me; shared my love of lectures, books, concerts, gardening, and classic films; sat with me when I had the blues and patiently waited until I came out of them, without judging or offering unsolicited advice; allowed me to share my deepest fears, joys, and confidences; invited me to join them in special activities that I otherwise might never get to experience; demonstrated their trust in me by asking for my help on a project or a problem; given me an honest opinion when I needed it; let me know tactfully and lovingly when my behavior was less than stellar.
Along with me, consider yourself truly blessed if you can say that you have similar friends in your life. Then ask yourself if you are the friend that your friends need. Are you serving as your friends’ sounding board, trusted companion, confidant, and cheer-leader? Are you the friend in the examples above? I know I have lots of room for improvement and I thank all my friends for forgiving my shortcomings. I’ll try harder this year.
